Turning 50

A lot of folks are asking me how I feel turning 50 in a couple days, as if I am supposed to feel old or go through some kind of crisis .  I did have a hard time turning 40, probably because my dad was ill, my career was slow that year and I had snuck the book Passages from my parents’ bookshelf when I was 10 and, having read all about the midlife crisis that was supposed to happen, predictably had one.

But 50 feels awesome.  I feel proud to be 50 and I refuse to succumb to this baloney about not feeling as good as I did 25 years ago.  Truthfully, I feel better.  I am healthier for sure (having defeated bulimia), happier (in love with Ian every day), fitter (sweat on the stepmill, lifted weights and bodysurfed today) and more confident (I care more about authenticity than being liked) .  I have more wrinkles, more cellulite and more sags than I did, but it is balanced by more grace, more ease and more sensuality.

The main reason I look forward to my sixth decade on this planet is because I have amazing role models.    My 77 year old mom routinely cycles 35 miles with her friends. Triathlete Bill Bell is still racing at 90 years old and he’s on facebook too.  I vigiled against the Iraq war for 6 years with Alice, Cele, Lucy and Millie, all septuagenarians more engaged in life than folks half their age.  Just this evening I body surfed with my friends Richard, Alan and Keith, all  in their 50s and 60s, and active, happy and in love.

Another reason I feel great about turning 50 is that Ian loves me fully.  He believes ageing is beautiful and he loves that we are growing older together.  I feel very lucky to be cherished like that.

I know I will have moments of feeling my mortality, ruing the changes in my face and doubting my personal growth, but I will also appreciate everyday moments, face challenges with more courage and let go of control – things I struggled with when I was younger.  So bring on 50!